You Don’t Have to Stay Strong: Giving Yourself Permission to Need Support

When you are going through infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy, and/or postpartum changes, people often tell you how strong you are.

“You’re so strong.”

“I don’t know how you do it.”

“You’ve got this.”

Usually, these words are meant with love. But sometimes being called “strong” starts to feel less like encouragement and more like an expectation. Sometimes this leads us to isolate from others just to avoid the “toxic positivity.”

If you are a millennial or Gen Z female, you might find yourself stuck in “strong women syndrome”—the pressure to have it all together even when you don’t. You may begin to feel as though you have to keep holding it together, keep smiling, keep taking care of everyone else, and keep reassuring the people around you (and maybe even yourself) that you’re okay—even when you are struggling inside.

But “strength” does not mean being “okay” all the time. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is to seek help for yourself. Reach out and say, “I’m tired of keeping it all together.”

When “Being Strong” Becomes Exhausting

There are seasons of life when simply getting through the day requires an enormous amount of emotional energy.

Maybe you are undergoing fertility treatments while continuing to work as though nothing is happening.

Maybe you experienced a pregnancy loss and everyone around you seems to have moved forward while your grief remains.

Maybe you finally have the baby you hoped for, but instead of feeling completely joyful, you feel anxious, overwhelmed, disconnected, or exhausted.

In each of these situations, there can be enormous pressure to keep moving forward as if your life and identity haven’t been completely altered. You keep going as if your world isn’t crumbling down around you.

But keeping it all together and feeling well are not always the same thing. Think Ross from Friends... “I’m fine, everything is fine...”

What Strength Can Actually Look Like

Sometimes strength looks like perseverance.

But sometimes strength looks like:

• Saying, “I’m having a hard time.”

• Canceling something because you need rest.

• Setting a boundary.

• Letting your partner know what you actually need.

• Crying instead of immediately trying to stop the tears.

• Asking a friend for help.

• Talking with your doctor.

• Finding a therapist.

• Admitting that the coping strategies that once worked are no longer enough.

• 
  

Receiving support is not the opposite of being strong.

It is part of taking care of yourself—putting yourself first.

You Are Allowed to Have More Than One Emotion

Our emotions are complicated, often leaving us feeling ambivalent.

You can be grateful for your pregnancy and anxious about losing it.

You can deeply love your baby and struggle during postpartum.

You can feel hopeful about fertility treatment and exhausted by it.

You can appreciate your changing stage of life and still grieve parts of yourself that feel different.

You can laugh one moment and cry the next.

None of these combinations mean you are doing something wrong.

Healing often begins when we stop judging ourselves for what we feel and become curious about what those feelings may be telling us.

You Don’t Have to Wait Until Things Are “Bad Enough”

One of the most common misconceptions about therapy is that you need to be in crisis before seeking support.

You don't.

Therapy can also be a place to process change, develop coping strategies, understand emotional patterns, strengthen relationships, prepare for difficult transitions, and simply have a space where you do not have to take care of anyone else. How wonderful it is to have your own special person to talk to that isn’t going to tell you how to feel or interrupt you with their own problems and help you get comfortable by just sitting with your emotions, no matter how overwhelming they are. As a therapist, I often see myself as a personal cheerleader helping you explore better ways of feeling about your world and yourself.

You are allowed to seek support because something is hard, or you feel stuck, or just feel “off” without having all the words or understanding behind it.

A Healing Pineapple Reminder

You don't have to stay strong all the time.

You don't have to pretend this season isn't affecting you.

And you don't have to carry everything by yourself.

Sometimes the strongest thing we can say is:

“I could use some support.”

Disclaimer: This blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or mental health treatment. Reading this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship with Healing Pineapple Therapy, PLLC or Katie Moore, LCSW, PMH-C. If you have concerns about your physical or mental health, please consult with an appropriate licensed healthcare professional.

Ready for Support?

If you are in NC or SC, it would be an honor to help you on your healing journey. If you are outside of NC or SC, or want to find another therapist that specializes in helping women navigate their mental health during infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy, and postpartum, go to Postpartum Support International provider directory. All the providers are certified to provide services for perinatal mental health. https://postpartum.net/

Need Immediate Support?

Call 988 or Postpartum Support International warmline: 1-800-944-4773

About the Author

Katie Moore, LCSW, PMH-C, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional with nearly 20 years of clinical experience. She is the owner and therapist at Healing Pineapple Therapy, PLLC, specializing in women’s reproductive and perinatal mental health, including infertility, pregnancy loss, pregnancy and postpartum mental health, birth trauma, adjustment to motherhood, and perimenopause and menopause.

Katie’s passion for this work is both professional and personal. Her own experiences with infertility, pregnancy loss, birth trauma, and postpartum anxiety inspired her to pursue advanced training in reproductive and perinatal mental health and create a space where women can feel understood and supported through the difficult and unexpected seasons of their journey.